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Im sure we all have pet peeves.
Im sure you’ve got yours. Ive sure as hell got mine!
A few of mine include:
1)
Dirty dishes. Rinse the damn thing off. Its not
that hard. And hey, while you’re rinsing it off, put it in the damn dishwasher.
2)
Laundry. It never ends. I loathe it. I hate
sorting it. I hate remembering to put it in the dryer. I hate remembering its
been in the washer for 3 days. And then having to re wash it. I hate forgetting
its in the dryer and then restarting the dryer 12 times to get the wrinkles
out. I hate folding it. I hate taking care of it. Its just a pain in the ass….
BUT my NUMERO UNO biggest “PISS ME RIGHT OFF ZERO TO PISSED
IN POINT TWO SECONDS BLIND RAGE” pet peeve is…
NAPPING ON THE COUCH.
Seems innocent enough. I bet you’re wondering why on earth
it makes me so upset. WELL wonder no longer, I am going to tell you.
1.
Its fucking rude. I am trying to do stuff. Other
people are trying to do stuff. We cannot do said stuff with your ass sleeping
on the couch. Hi, it’s the middle of the day. We shouldn’t have to tip toe
around because you’re taking a NAP. Or better yet, wake up and be a productive
member of society.
2.
You have a damn bed. We have a guest room. If you
are tired or sick, go get in said bed. I especially don’t want your sick ass on
my couch coughing and annoying the hell out of me! Plus, I don’t want to hear
you whine. No one wants to be around that. So you are rendering my lovely
living room, the social hub of my home, useless.
3.
You take up space. Where the fuck am I supposed
to sit? YOURE IN MY FAVORITE SPOT, ie the best view of the TV, and the best
lighting for reading. I cant sit ON you. I don’t WANT to sit on the other
couch.
4.
You are NOT being involved in what is going on
by sleeping in the middle of it. You are pissing me off. Im trying to run
around and do 87 things, all while keeping Jordan quiet so you can take your
damn nap. You are asleep. You do not know what is going on. And you are PISSING
ME OFF. AND IF YOU DARE GET MAD AT ME BECAUSE MY CHILD WOKE YOU UP YOU ARE IN
FOR A SCARY AS FUCK SURPRISE.
I can be in a perfectly good mood and see someone asleep on
my couch and BAM. Instant bitch. It will ruin my ENTIRE day. I cant help it. I understand
it is a bit irrational. It pisses me off.
I have heard all the excuses. I have heard all the lines. You’re
sick. You’re tired. You want to feel like you are around everyone. You SHOULDN’T
have to go to your room to nap. Unless you are the ONLY ONE HOME, you are in a
den type room where the door closes or it is THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, I don’t care.
Get off the couch and go upstairs.
Every time I see you laying on the couch, blissfully asleep I
start to boil with a red hot rage and just want to throw shit at you.
I WILL make it a point to be AS LOUD as possible when people
are napping on my couch. Why? Because FUCK YOU ITS MY COUCH. That’s why. I will
slam doors. I will listen to Johnny Cash as loud as possible. I will encourage Jordan
to do the same, with Disney songs. I will decide to vacuum, when I probably haven’t
in months.
Where did this stem from? J’s waste of space poor as fuck
excuse for a father. He would nap on the couch, then get pissed at me for
waking him up. Im sorry, our two bedroom apartment doesn’t have a whole lot of
space, and this is the LIVING room. Hence, where we do most of our LIVING. Then
ive got to deal with a small child who cant understand why I wont let her play,
I cant get anything done, then a grouchy assface who is upset b/c I didn’t get
anything done and J kept waking him up….Long story short, I hate him and wish
he would fall in the river.
I would like to point out that this is not directed at any
one person. This is directed at EVERYONE. Pete, my mom, my friends, Jordan… get
your sleepy ass off my couch and go lay down. I have a very nice room/guest
room for you. I’ve possibly even washed the sheets. Utilize it.
Feel free to comment with your unreasonable pet peeves… make me feel
better about mine!
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