Ah... I work out!

So. I’ve started dieting. I know, I'm just as surprised as you are. But the part that isn’t surprising?  IT FUCKING SUCKS.

DIET FOOD SUCKS.  You know those stupid slogans that say “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”? Yeah well FUCK THOSE. THEY ARE DIRTY FILTHY LIARS.

LOTS OF STUFF TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS! LIKE DONUTS AND FRENCH FRIES AND PIZZA AND BEER AND BURGERS AND FUCK YOU OK I'M STARVING OVER HERE!

I’ve been counting calories and watching what I eat and the whole shebang.

I’ve also been HANGRY for several weeks, so there is that… poor Pete.

And you know what else is SHOCKING?

IVE STARTED EXERCISING AS WELL!

Stop laughing, im serious.

Still no running tho…

I’ve drafted Becky and am making her join me in my torment. Not that Becky needs to exercise. I want to stab her skinny ass on a regular basis, in fact, when she complains about being “fat”

We got pedometers and we’ve been going for walks. And we’ve gone to Zumba a few times.

That was…interesting…*fade to flashback*

So we get there late. The room is full of people who look relatively fit. This confuses me. Why are you here? You’re done! Go eat some pizza! Damn.

Anyway. We selected the perfect spot (back corner where no one could see us). I learned that apparently we had taken someone’s ‘spot’ and this was TABOO. This is my first ever ZUMBA! Class and I’m super excited! I’ve heard people talk about it and its supposed to be super fun and WOO HOO I’m just super positive like woah!

So the music starts and I proceeded to try to figure out what is going on. Ok so were all following the teacher(WHICH was some super fit skinny black chick who was bustin’ a move like she was goin’ to the club) and it seems ok.

So the song comes on and we start out and the moves were all pretty easy. “PSH,” I think to myself “Ive got this!”…. Little did I know, that was just the warm up.

So were going along and im doing pretty well. So far I am keeping up and haven’t done anyone any serious bodily harm.

The music picks up and all hell breaks loose. And by that I mean she actually starts the class and warm up time is over and I am COMPLETLEY LOST. She’s doing these THINGS and this SUPER COMPLICATED HORSE RIDING MOVE THING WHILE SPINNING IN A CIRCLE AND OH SWEET JESUS YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT WITH MY FEET?

So at this point im pretty much just spinning around in circles and throwing in an occasional jump for good measure.

Then the booty shaking starts. At this point im trying so hard to keep up and figure out what the HELL is going on.

I’m sweating my balls off (figuratively, of course) and the old lady in the back of the class is JUDGING me and I’m dying for a drink. FINALLY the song ends and I CRAWL to the water bottle.

I drink my water and catch my breath for a couple seconds and think to myself “Ok self. That really wasn’t THAT bad. Class is almost over!” I check the time and….

We have been there for five minutes.

I get back in my corner and attempt to keep up as the next song plays. I figure out some ‘short cuts’ and am doing relatively well (in my mind) when I make the mistake…

I look at Becky.

Shes got this SUPER serious look on her face and is having just as hard a time as I was having and I DIE laughing. At which point she looks at me laughing and starts cracking up. 

 Thats me... on the right

Super sexy dance moves.

So I try to avoid looking at Becky because everytime we do it results in us CRACKING up and getting glared at everyone else (who are taking this class WAY too seriously)

I didn’t quite keep up the entire time, but I moved the entire time, and made an effort.

I punched myself in the face once, twisted an ankle, hit the wall and was NEVER on beat and NONE of my moves were correct.

I make it through a COMPLETE HOUR of SHEER TORTURE. I know I’m going to be sore tomorrow. But you know what? It was SUPER FUN! I now understand why people exercise!

(except running. Fuck running)

Now ive got to go shake my pedometer so I can beat Becky in our bet.