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It’s so exciting when you go to pick out a new pet. You get
to play with it and snuggle it and take it for walks and it’s just GREAT! The
whole process of getting a new pet is AWESOME and super exciting.
So you go out and you go shopping for your new pet. You want
to be a good pet owner, and you want your pet to like you. You want to make
sure that everything is just PERFECT for your new pet!
You make all the arrangements and then bring it home and
things are great! Fido loves nothing more than to spend time with you in the
yard, going for rides and cuddling on the couch. When he hears noises at night
he is up and patrolling to make sure you’re safe. He thinks you are the
greatest thing since sliced bread and follows you around- He seems like he
can’t last for more than a few minutes without you. Everything you do is the
BEST and he loves you UNCONDITIONALLY!
… for the first few months. But slowly your pet starts to
get comfortable with you.…. and then he keeps you awake all night and nags you every
second of every single day. It doesn’t snuggle anymore, now it just hogs the
bed and snores and farts. It doesn’t even want to play with you anymore, it
just wants to lie around and do nothing…. And hardly even lifts its head when
you get home from work.
They start to sleep through creepy noises at night, and
companionship? FUCK THAT. Sure, on
occasion (when it’s convenient) it wants to go for a walk or play Frisbee but
for the most part you are on your own. That unconditional love that was present
at the beginning? Hope you took a fucking picture cuz it is GONE.
And then you start to regret getting the pet. It was a lot
snugglier and active when you first got it… It liked to play more and well now
… its just lazy… You haven’t changed, the damn dog has changed… and all the reasons you got a dog in the first
place are just kinda… gone…
So you try to get your four legged friend back to how he was
before. You try to take him to do things he used to love, like going to the
lake and going for car rides. But WHEN you can convince him to go he doesn’t
seem to enjoy it… So you buy him new treats and toys to try to entice him into
playing with you again… but he just wants to lay around and sleep… you make
extra effort to get him to sleep in the bed with you but he just curls up and
goes to sleep at the foot and THAT’S NO FUN. I SEE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR OTHER
DOG FRIENDS WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH ME?! I just bought you
this awesome new toy and you are IGNORING ME FOR A FUCKING STICK YOU DIRTY
BASTARD DOG!
And by this point you have made all these COMMITMENTS to
this dog because he didn’t SUCK before… so now what do you do? HE IS SERIOUSLY
A COMPLETLEY DIFFERENT DOG! A dog who doesn’t really seem to even like you, or
care that you are around as long as he gets fed… You can’t take him to the
pound or try to re-home him because that just makes you an irresponsible pet
owner! And what if he doesn’t like his new home? Or what if he NEVER FINDS a
new home? You just can’t live with that kind of guilt…
THEN YOU FIND OUT THAT YOUR FUCKING DOG IS PLAYING WITH OTHER PEOPLE. ALL DAY. EVERY DAY. ALL THE TIME. EVER SINCE YOU FUCKING GOT HIM AND THIS ENTIRE TIME HE REFUSED TO PLAY WITH YOU BUT APPARENTLY HAD NO FUCKING ISSUES PLAYING WITH OTHER PEOPLE! AND I AM AMAZING AT PLAYING SO FUCK THAT SHIT!!!!
