Survival tips for taking a trip with a kid.

 

While some people are choosing to write about top family vacation destinations, I decided to go the other way with this one. We have a beach trip with my boyfriends family coming up (and between trying to convince everyone I’m not completely hopeless as a parent/girlfriend, and not BLOW UP at Jordan because SHES EMBARASSING ME AND THEY ARE JUDGING ME AND I HATE DOING THIS ALL ON MY OWN WHY WONT MY CHILD BEHAVE? NO I CANT ENJOY MYSELF IM TOO BUSY TRYING TO MAINTAIN THIS KID! OF COURSE I SEEM STRESSED!! **BREAKS DOWN CRYING**…)

Hopefully I can manage to take some of my own advice.

For those of you out there who are planning an upcoming vacation with kids, bless your heart. (This is a southern expression I’ve found can have a variety of meanings… in this case, “you poor, poor dummy”) By now, on your road of parenthood, you have learned that when you go on a trip- i.e. a ‘vacation’ with a small child, it is exactly the opposite. It is NOT a vacation AT ALL.

Traveling isn’t always easy with kids. You will ALWAYS have an issue. I.e.: getting stuck in a traffic jam in Chicago in a blizzard, alone with a five month old and a dirty diaper.

There are a few rookie mistakes that I feel can be avoided, for a much saner you at the end. Less tears, more fun!

You can thank me later.

1.     Expectations. Like with men, it’s best if you just start low to begin with. Expect the worst, we like to plan our grand vacations. I’m guilty of it. I want to do 87000 things and have them all be SPECTACULAR and not be stressed at all. I HAVE to live by a schedule. I get grouchy when it’s thrown off. But when on vacation, it’s often best to throw that schedule to the wind and just go with it. There will be fights, snags and delays along the way. Just go with it. The kids are going to have to pee 3 minutes after you left the rest area. The man is going to get lost and refuse to ask for directions. The car might even break down…And anything that goes right will seem like a bonus!

2.     Travel during Nap times if you can. Car rides suck. I’ll be the first one to admit it. I’m pretty sure I’ve slept the entire way to Wisconsin as a child, because it goes FASTER when you are ASLEEP. (Sorry mom, but that drive sucks a big one.) Put those kiddos to sleep and ENJOY THE SILENCE!! Once they wake up, pray to GOD you are at your destination because the remainder of the drive/flight etc. is going to consist of gold fish crumbs EVERYWHERE, frozen songs on REPEAT and that age old question of “ARE WE THERE YET?” every 2 minutes. And no, I’m not being cliché. You try riding in a car with Jordan anywhere more than 10 minutes away and see if I’m not telling the truth.

3.     SUGAR IS THE DEVIL. Seems like a no brainer, but this one is a biggie. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT give your kids candy, chocolate, juice etc. during travel time. SEE advice #2, makes nap time a bit difficult when they are behaving like a BB in a pop can. And all that energy is bound to EXHAUST you trying to deal with it. You can give them juice, sugar, Starbucks… whatever once YOU GET THERE. As long as it is not almost bed time! Then you have a WIRED TIRED kid on your hands! And nobody’s got time for that shit.

4.     IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. I know this is your first vacation in years. I know this was something you planned and stressed over and paid for. Well, if you’re bringing the kids, be prepared to deal with the consequences. It’s not about you, it’s about THEM. And once you figure this out, you will enjoy yourself a lot more. For kids, vacation is about running around like little midget maniacs and trying to see what kinds of shenanigans they can get into. They do not understand the concept of RELAXATION. They don’t care about the white sand beaches or mommy and daddy romance time. They couldn’t give two figs about the 5 star restaurants and the exotic wine. Choose a destination that is kid friendly! Hotels, restaurants, activities… it’s all about them.

5.     DON’T LET THEM GET BORED. I know, easier said than done. But a bored kid is a destructive kid. Like a dog. They need something to do or they start to destroy crap. Like your sanity…keep their days filled with fun activities. Try to plan activities that everyone can enjoy. And that’s the key word, ACTIVITY. Get them out, EXHAUST the little buggers. Hiking, Swimming, mini golf, etc. The more they do during the day, the more they sleep at night, the more peace and quiet you get.

6.     BRING A SHERPA. Just kidding. But pack HEAVY. Kids have the attention span of a gnat. The more toys and entertainment you bring for them, the less times you have to answer ARE WE THERE YET?? Take a whole damn suitcase full of toys, batteries, coloring books, Barbie’s etc. anything you can fit into that bag! And don’t be the idiot that forgets to charge the tablet before a 4 hour drive with a 5 year old… like me. Update the apps and they will stay occupied for as long as the battery lasts! And don’t pretend like I’m a bad mom for letting Jordan’s tablet occupy her in the car. They are INTELLECTUAL games. So boo yah. And she cheats at 20 questions.

7.     If possible, BRING HELP. Parents, friends, siblings, random strangers along the side of the road… (just kidding on that last one…) They make GREAT babysitters when you’re at your wits end. And an extra pair of eyes when Jordan decides that yes, SHE CAN swim. (hint, no she can’t) As much money as you’re spending, you deserve at least ONE kid free romantic dinner with that special someone.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER: Let your kids BE KIDS. And maybe, just MAYBE you can bring your inner kid out as well and enjoy your vacation.