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If you had told me a year ago that my life would be where it
is today… well, id probably have called you a damn liar and then gone and cried
because MY ENTIRE LIFE WAS FALLING APART!!
Flashback. July 2017 – Feb 2018… AKA THE YEAR OF HELL.
I had recently left my husband, WHOM I had only been married
to for 8 (horrible wasted) months. He didn’t want me around, but apparently didn’t
want me to LEAVE either. The split didn’t go well and he had been harassing me
for months at that point. Threatening to call the police because I “stole”
items I bought, threatening to break into my house, making creepy comments
about where my daughter went to school and so on. Funny how he never put that
much effort into our relationship!
I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t sleep. Id stay up until 2 or 3 am
just because I was so convinced he was going to try something, and when I DID try to sleep id have horrible
dreams. When I finally couldn’t keep my eyes open id finally pass out.
I was lonely. Yeah, there were guys. There were a LOT of
guys if we’re being honest (hey, I was trying to make up for 4 YEARS of sex
MAYBE once a week with someone who acted like it was a CHORE to sleep with me
AND THEN cheated on ME)
SIDE RANT. Im still pissed about THAT BULL SHIT. HE cheated
on ME. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK? For those of
you who have MET my ex – he was deff the reacher in the relationship. NO, I don’t
think im some super hot super model blab la bla but I clean up to be a solid 7
when I try. And I have amazing tits, and my legs ROCK. I COULD HAVE CHEATED!!!
REPEATEDLY!!! I WAS THE ONE BEGGING FOR SEX AND TRYING TO FIX SHIT!! AND I AM
PRETTY GREAT IN BED!!
Wooooo saaaaaaa….. anyway….. sorry about that….
I was broke AS FUCK. Said ex decided to max out all my
credit cards, AND THEN tell my bank to take all my money out of my checking
account to pay said bills... My OTHER waste of space ex was MIA and the child
support had STOPPED coming in altogether (wonderful timing now that I have to
pay ALL MY OWN DAMN BILLS). THIS all happened a week BEFORE Christmas.
I didn’t have a job –I lost my job THREE DAYS AFTER
CHRISTMAS for a COMPLETELY BULL SHIT REASON. And couldn’t find a new job to
save my life which was SUPER WEIRD to me. I had a ton of experience, a great
resume… well, I found out months later that my old “friends” at work were
hacking into my email and my ex boss was calling EVERY interview to talk shit
about me. Well suck it ex boss, cuz I slept with your son… repeatedly… sooo…. Boom.
(to clarify, this was before josh, his son was over 18)
I felt like shit about myself. I mean, can you blame me? A
man who chased me for YEARS. LITERALLY YEARS PEOPLE. SINCE COLLEGE!! WHO I HAD
MOVED TO NC FOR!! Decided to marry me and then cheat on me… REPEATEDLY!! And kept LYING to me about stopping! He
COMPLETELY stopped having sex with me (although if we are being honest, that
had almost stopped before we even got married), would never do ANYTHING that
involved him getting off his ass or leaving his garage, and had started to be
REALLY MEAN. AND he made me feel like it was MY fault because he was BORED and I
wasn’t meeting his needs. Now, I can get down with some kinky sex play, but the
stuff he wanted to do was NOT something I enjoyed. A heads up on that BEFORE
the wedding would have been awesome! Sick fuck.
CATHY kept telling me “God is doing this all for a reason”
and in the middle of not being able to afford Christmas presents for my kid
that was REALLY not helpful. “this is to push you to where you need to be” and I
kept seeing all these quotes about the tallest tree is the one who has been
through the storm but I couldn’t SEE the end of the storm in sight. No matter
how hard I tried or how hard I worked I was just… a failure. A failure as a
wife, a failure as a mom… I just sucked.
THEN… THENNNNNNNNN
I met an AMAZING man (who I almost fucked things up with…
repeatedly…because I was too busy refusing to “compromise who I am” to stop
being a bitch…because I had totally lost myself with the ex….) who is SUPER
DAMN ATTRACTIVE. Like for real, the beard isn’t even FAIR… I just want to eat
him up! And the SEX? HOT DAMN. Is all im gunna say cuz I don’t want to embarrass
him… anyway, I met an amazing man, who I
have been with for TEN months with a BABY GIRL on the way (which I thought wasn’t
even POSSIBLE!!) Who works hard, supports me in ways I didn’t even KNOW were a
real thing (like going to EVERY baby dr apt with me, and helping me with J just
because that’s how he is) I simply can NOT believe I get to come home to him
every day, sleep next to him every night, kiss him whenever I feel like it and
WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!! Im so freaking excited I cant even contain it.
check out that sexyness in a tux...
I got an AWESOME job doing what I love doing with a great
company! I have learned SO much and had so many doors opened up to me with this
position. Plus its something im good at, that I have a passion for, not
something I just got stuck with. My boss is awesome, and im not just saying
that because I think she will read this. In fact, she’s probably way too busy
to read this but still – she’s awesome.
I still haven’t managed to make any close friends at work
which is weird for me, I usually make at least ONE (I mean I HAD one but that’s
a whole other LONG confusing issue on its own) and I really like several of the
girls I work with, but it just hasn’t progressed to the lunch date/ texts after
work/ hanging out on weekends kinda thing that I had hoped for. I mean I usually
am awkward making friends with girls anyway so there is that… girls are so
COMPLICATED like I cant just SAY what im thinking or they take it 87 different
ways and then you try to go to the point and they are offended but you beat
around the bush and they are offended and then they want to talk about makeup
and clothes and my makeup is from WAL MART and my clothes… yeah, they fit me
kinda… and sometimes match… but no one wants to talk about baseball or music or
books or history or… yeah… its EXHAUSTING!
We moved out of the ghetto into a much nicer place in Hope
Mills. It’s kinda small with baby on the way, but the plan is to buy in two years!
I’m now on the board for the chamber of
commerce, I write for Up & Coming, plus a million other things AND I’ve
started doing marketing on the side with my OWN business which I am SUPER proud
about (gotta pay for the new baby somehow!)!
If Ex hadn’t cheated and been mean id never have left. If i hadnt left i wouldnt have been in a shitty situation that ended up effecting my job. If I hadn’t
gotten fired id have never looked for a new job. I’d never have met josh, never
have had the job I have or be where I am right now. (DID I MENTION THE BABY??!)
Yeahh id say all in all the last 10 months have been pretty
damn fantastic. And once again…. Cathy was right. *cringes*… No one tell her I said
that….
