Posts
When did summer vacation
stop being about doing nothing and all about always doing something? I'm
fucking serious. As a kid that’s what it was about. Not doing a damn thing for
3 months. And if we went to the dells, HELLS YEAH! Yet Jordan seems to think
that everyday should be jam packed with super-fun activities.
WHAT THE SHIT?
I have a love/hate
relationship with summer vacation. There just isn’t enough money to do all the
awesome fun outings id like to do. Camping, Disney world, amusement parks,
trips EVERYWHERE… etc etc… and I don’t have enough PTO for that anyway. AND
when we DO go do something, all she can do is complain about it being hot
outside and wanting to go inside and watch TV! This shouldn't make me feel bad,
yet it does.
AGAIN, I ASK WUUUUT THE
SHIT?
Every summer, I feel
little guilty about how bored I get trying to make sure she isnt too bored, and
she whines about being bored. Let me stop you now, before you tell me that it’s
not my job to entertain her 24/7. I fucking know this. Sheesh…that’s not the
point. I want to provide her with some entertainment. And learning. And quality
time. Because that's what good parents do and I'm a good fucking parent!
ASSHOLE.
The point is that I feel
bad about how cranky the quantity of time makes me, which makes me sort of an
asshole too, so don't feel bad that I just called you an asshole. I can't help
it. I have a lot on my plate you know. Just because J is off for a bajilion
days in a row doesn't mean that I have the time off! And trust me, I do NOT
feel like I have to entertain them 24/7 and I don't. That's not where my guilt
comes from.
Anyway, it’s the amount
of time I have to spend with her that kills me. And she’s only six. The truth is that I get bored when doing too
much shit with her, and I feel bad about that. I do! I shouldn’t, but that
doesn’t mean I don’t. Too much togetherness is just that – too much. And then
Jordan wants to do ‘’crafts’’ and shit. Like this…
and this
see how it says 'beginner'? Fucking lies.
and im just like… no.
just… no. what the FUCK makes you think I can DO that? I fuck up when I BRAID
your hair… here, watch me make a knot… ok now im done.
hell, I pretended we didn’t
have ingredients for her easy bake oven for like… 3 months. You know what
ingredients that thing calls for? Water. That’s it. But it’s a PAIN IN MY ASS
and its not even rewarding cuz those cookies taste like SHIT. What evil bastard
bought her an easy bake? Sure as shit wasn’t me. Thanks for that Kayla.
Simple? You know what's
simple? Coloring with fucking crayons. Quietly.
How about a tutorials
that show how much wine im going to need to drink after spending an hour at the
craft store trying to find all the shit to make this shit and then spending
another hour realizing we have NO idea what to do with any of the shit? AND how
much im going to need after dealing with Jordan's complaining because there is
NO WAY I CAN MAKE THOSE THINGS?
HOW MUCH WINE?
DO NOT EVEN GET ME
STARTED ON FROZEN. FUCK FROZEN. Biggest mistake of my LIFE. (don’t
tell Pete I actually admitted that) There was a time I REALLY liked frozen. I liked all the characters and
the songs and Elsa was the SHIT. BUT I have seen that god damn movie around 87
times in the last MONTH and I am DONE WITH IT. Thanks a lot J, you ruined it
for me.
What's that? Do I want to
hear you sing ‘Let it go’ again? Sure… SMH….
Fuck. I need more wine.
FUCK YOU, ELSA AND ANNA
AND OLAF AND ALL YOU OTHER FROZEN FUCKS!
Except kristoff. he's still adorable.
Thank gods for camp.
Campy-camp, campish, camp, CAAAAAAAAMP! I pay THEM to entertain her. Too bad it
isn't overnight…! And then she wants me to do MORE things with her when I get
home after work! NO. that’s what I pay THEM for. You were just at the park for
6 hours and Im in heels, its hot as balls and … just no.
UGH! The child... I’m
losing sleep because I keep waking up paranoid that she’s going to come into my
room with some other BS excuse about not being able to sleep. It’s been
happening on a REGULAR basis. Oh, and then there are constant requests for money
now. SHES SIX. What the hell does she need MONEY for? A new Dora toy? Psh. Elsa
probably.
HOW MUCH MONEY DOES SHE
THINK I HAVE?
I mean if I had money,
I’d be taking her places to do more things. Hell, I’d take her friends too! I
wouldn’t be playing candy land and trying to bribe her to just let me sing my show
tunes while in the shower in PEACE. We’d be at fucking Disney World.
FUCK.
So I guess, as usual,
I’ll just do my best to be a creative, patient, rage-repressing wino again this
summer and let Jordan watch a mega fuck ton of Simpsons cartoons between
outings and crafting and chauffeuring's and the YMCA. With 20 years of episodes
of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie in the can, they will never run out of
episodes to watch and I will enjoy watching with them!
I’m super good at
television watching and snack eating and snuggling.
Which reminds that I need
to find a new show to watch, since we binge watched Orange is the New Black….
Summer vacation? You need to chill the fuck
out and get back to having your something, be a lot of absolutely nothing! At
least that's what I think.
No comments:
Post a Comment