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Smoker Problem #1
When you go outside to smoke, and you have to squeeze up
against the side of the building, but then that ONE dick raindrop falls and
hits your cigarette right above the butt, and then, well… it’s fucking ruined
and you may as well give up on it.
When that ‘’one guy’’ who ‘’doesn’t smoke’’ comes over and
smokes half your pack and meanwhile you have had like… three.
Where to put your butts at a ‘non-smokers’ house
Evaluating if you have enough time left on your drive to fit
in a 2nd cigarette
Not having any friends at work who smoke
Going outside/to the garage to smoke to avoid second hand
exposure to child.
Child follows you and won’t go away.
When people go outside to smoke and don’t let you know
When someone moves your ashtray
Wanting to smoke on your way to an interview to calm your
nerves, but not wanting to smell like an ashtray for your first impression…
Smoking in someone else’s car…
When people pull out ‘e-cigs’ or ‘vapes’ or whatever the
hell they are… and you can SMELL the nicotine but you CANT smoke…
Having 9807498498731987901 lighters, but cant find a single
one.
…and burning your nose on the toaster…
When other people smoke where you are eating
Not wanting to buy a carton because ‘’you’ll smoke the
entire thing’’, but knowing its MUCH more cost effective to buy the carton…
When everyone gets the ‘nasty gram’ from the boss about
cigarette butts outside and you KNOW you always put yours in the ashtray/depot…
When someone gets into your car, and lights up a cigarette
when:
A)
The kid is in there
B)
The window is up
THERE ARE RULES PEOPLE!!
When you’re out of cigarettes and the person with you only
smokes Newports…
Smoking without a cup of coffee. Or drinking coffee without
a cigarette.
When other people smoke around your kids. Ah, scuse me… I
take great pains to NOT expose them to my bad decision, what makes you think
you get to?
The fear of ever going to England and having to ask to “bum
a fag”
(Maybe this one is just me…)
Having two open packs at the same time… and you can’t find
either of them…
Driving somewhere with a non smoker…
Its F-ing cold outside
When you’re driving and it starts raining, and the rain is
coming IN your windows and you have two choices…
a)
Get soaked
b)
Don’t smoke
And
both choices SUCK
Public places. To smoke? Not to smoke?
Moving to the south where cigarettes are super affordable…
getting rid of one more reason to quit
When you light a cigarette and take a deep drag and taste
sweet sweet….ass. And realize you lit the wrong end.
Not smoking in the car when there are kids around, but
having kids around makes you want to smoke even more…
When its cold outside, and you aren’t sure if you are still
blowing smoke or its just your breath because its so cold…
Not being able to find a single lighter when you’re out
And then finding 7 in your bra when you get home
(again, this may just be me…)
When a friend comes over who smokes, and the next thing you
know your brand new pack is almost empty…
New cashiers who take 20 minutes to find your brand, and
then give you the wrong one anyway…
No lighter. No gas stove. No toaster.
Realizing that you smoked your ‘emergency stash’ last week,
when you were too lazy to go buy cigarettes…
Not being able to smoke in bars, but wanting to smoke even
more because I’m drinking…
When you go to step on your cigarette, but miss it, and then
end up river dancing just to make sure its out.
People who stand near the designated smoking area with their
children and then glare at YOU
Driving anywhere with my mother
When you lend other smokers your lighter and know you may
never see it again.
Unknown cigarettes in your ashtray… where did they come
from?
Forgetting to buy extra packs before a trip home, and having
to spend $9/pack
Finding half a pack of cigarettes in your jacket and having
NO idea how long they have been there… to smoke them, or not to smoke them?
Putting your cigarette out to go into a store (when there is
a substantial amount left) only to leave the store immediately and regret that
decision.
People who don’t smoke just don’t understand
Mastering smoke rings
To flick, or not to flick?
People who think that e-cigs/vapes/ whatthehellever are REAL
cigarettets. Nope.
Cigarettes that are not ‘shorts’… too much to smoke all at
once, not enough to split evenly over two.
People who demand to hold you from your smoke break, effectively
placing their life in DANGER.
When someone comes over who “smokes” and bums half a pack
No more ‘smoking sections’ ANYWHERE.
Talking on the cell phone, driving and smoking at the same
time.
Watching the boondock saints… and realizing you’re missing
TWO packs and sound like howards mother from the big bang theory
When you have your window to smoke, and someone else puts
their window down, and you ash all over yourself. Bastards.
Reallllllly wanting a zippo, but knowing you will just lose
it in two days…
When you see a full cigarette, stomped on the ground. What a
waste…
Immediately being a ‘bad person’ when you light up, no
matter how considerate you are around other people
When someone is on a different smoke schedule than you,
smokes more or less, they completely throw off your groove!
Driving a lot = smoking a lot
WHERE THE HELL IS MY LIGHTER?
When you have two cigarettes left, and someone asks for one…
Getting the foil to tear off just right...
Smoker Problem #63
Finding your coupon right after you bought a pack
Smoker Problem #64
Smoker Problem #65
When you can’t find the ‘designated’ smoking area…
Having to smoke alone. Or when the only other smoker is
someone you LOATHE
When Marlboro comes out with a new pack design... and no one knows what's going on...
Not wanting to quit because I LOVE IT
People who dip. And all their ‘’when I used to smoke’’
stories…
Smoker Problem #70
Seriously. WHERE ARE ALL MY LIGHTERS?
Smoker Problem #71
Mastering the 'James Dean' look
Smoker Problem #72
Your hair will be ruined by 10 AM, or your first break.
Whichever comes sooner.
When two people are smoking in the car, but one has their
window ALL THE WAY DOWN and you can’t ask without risking lighting yourself on
fire
Having to do something with both hands, after having just lit a cigarette, and getting smoke up your nose/ in your eye etc.
Smoker Problem #75
When someone asks to bum a cigarette, and then acts
disgusted by your brand… excuse me?! Beggars can’t be choosers. Have to go to the bathroom before I smoke because I have to pee…
Will have to go to the bathroom after because I have to poop…
Smoker Problem #77
When other smokers at the bar become aware that you have an extra pack…
Smelling like an ashtray
When you go to smoke, but forget your phone, so you just have to stand in the cold bored.
I just read all of these! LOL
ReplyDeleteI just read all of these! LOL
ReplyDelete