The Dog Blog

It’s so exciting when you go to pick out a new pet. You get to play with it and snuggle it and take it for walks and it’s just GREAT! The whole process of getting a new pet is AWESOME and super exciting.

So you go out and you go shopping for your new pet. You want to be a good pet owner, and you want your pet to like you. You want to make sure that everything is just PERFECT for your new pet!

You make all the arrangements and then bring it home and things are great! Fido loves nothing more than to spend time with you in the yard, going for rides and cuddling on the couch. When he hears noises at night he is up and patrolling to make sure you’re safe. He thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced bread and follows you around- He seems like he can’t last for more than a few minutes without you. Everything you do is the BEST and he loves you UNCONDITIONALLY!

… for the first few months. But slowly your pet starts to get comfortable with you.…. and then he  keeps you awake all night and nags you every second of every single day. It doesn’t snuggle anymore, now it just hogs the bed and snores and farts. It doesn’t even want to play with you anymore, it just wants to lie around and do nothing…. And hardly even lifts its head when you get home from work.

They start to sleep through creepy noises at night, and companionship? FUCK THAT.  Sure, on occasion (when it’s convenient) it wants to go for a walk or play Frisbee but for the most part you are on your own. That unconditional love that was present at the beginning? Hope you took a fucking picture cuz it is GONE.

And then you start to regret getting the pet. It was a lot snugglier and active when you first got it… It liked to play more and well now … its just lazy… You haven’t changed, the damn dog has changed…  and all the reasons you got a dog in the first place are just kinda… gone…

So you try to get your four legged friend back to how he was before. You try to take him to do things he used to love, like going to the lake and going for car rides. But WHEN you can convince him to go he doesn’t seem to enjoy it… So you buy him new treats and toys to try to entice him into playing with you again… but he just wants to lay around and sleep… you make extra effort to get him to sleep in the bed with you but he just curls up and goes to sleep at the foot and THAT’S NO FUN. I SEE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR OTHER DOG FRIENDS WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH ME?! I just bought you this awesome new toy and you are IGNORING ME FOR A FUCKING STICK YOU DIRTY BASTARD DOG!

And by this point you have made all these COMMITMENTS to this dog because he didn’t SUCK before… so now what do you do? HE IS SERIOUSLY A COMPLETLEY DIFFERENT DOG! A dog who doesn’t really seem to even like you, or care that you are around as long as he gets fed… You can’t take him to the pound or try to re-home him because that just makes you an irresponsible pet owner! And what if he doesn’t like his new home? Or what if he NEVER FINDS a new home? You just can’t live with that kind of guilt…

THEN YOU FIND OUT THAT YOUR FUCKING DOG IS PLAYING WITH OTHER PEOPLE. ALL DAY. EVERY DAY. ALL THE TIME. EVER SINCE YOU FUCKING GOT HIM AND THIS ENTIRE TIME HE REFUSED TO PLAY WITH YOU BUT APPARENTLY HAD NO FUCKING ISSUES PLAYING WITH OTHER PEOPLE! AND I AM AMAZING AT PLAYING SO FUCK THAT SHIT!!!!