And this is how i lost my shit.

Wake up at 4AM to the man yelling at the dog. (side note, the dog is an asshole. He knows how to listen, but only chooses to do so when its convenient for him. so, I guess the dog is just MALE.) APPARENTLY he decided he needed to eat ANOTHER of my bras. (the dog, not the man). NOW normally this would be at least partially my fault for leaving my bras all over the bedroom. (don’t judge me. I get home, they come off. It’s a small miracle they aren’t all over the kitchen!) BUT we had just had this issue the week before and he ate THREE of them, so I KNOW this one was picked up. WHY wasn’t he in his INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE (in theory, in actuality I stold the crate from a friend) crate, you ask? BECAUSE said MAN feels bad for him being in there all night. Well, I feel bad for my wallet and the $100 worth of bras the damn DOG just ATE!!

 

I fall back asleep, wake up to my alarm at 6. 6:10, 6:20, and 6:30 before I finally get out of bed. I have a text from said aforementioned man. He forgot his court stuff and can I PLEASE send him the time and courtroom number? It should be in his box of important documents. Now, I need to point out two things before I continue.

1.    Don’t think hes a lawyer. He isn’t. he just got a speeding ticket.

2.    The information WAS NOT in the box. Or on the porch. It was where it was SUPPOSED to be, but where I didn’t look because its NEVER where its SUPPOSED TO BE. So it took 20 minutes to find.

Then I went and woke J up. I thought it would be nice to climb in bed and snuggle with her for a few minutes. She woke up and immediately argued with me about what she was doing at the YMCA today. (I KNOW shes going to the water park TOMORROW. She KNOWS shes going to the water park TODAY) So we had an incredibly pointless argument for about 10 minutes before I informed her “I am 26 and smarter than you are. Put your pants on and go brush your teeth.” I like to feel like I won that one.

 

10 minutes later, a very grouchy 5 year old enters my room and proceeds to try to find my hairbrush. Why cant she use hers, you ask? This is a very good question. PROBABLY because my daughter has the singular ability to LOSE every single hairbrush she touches. This is not an exaggeration. I have had four in the last year. She has had three.  And this fact makes me SO MAD I have TOLD her she is BUYING the next one she loses. But this time, she cannot use my hairbrush because she LOST it the week before. So she wants to use the mans. Except we cant find it. ANYWHERE. BECAUSE she used it the day before, and I am convinced, lost it then. So I decided she needed to learn a little lesson and made her search for it for 30 minutes. Nada. We then got into a very serious conversation about being responsible for hers, and other peoples, things. It was very calm and some pretty damn good parenting, if you ask me. She did not agree. She had a meltdown that ended with me taking away her birthday party (yes, yes I did) and her crying. And then, by this point, me crying.

 

We finally get our shit together and out the door (only one lost shoe, a water bottle and snack issue later) and are on our way when I get a text from said man.

 

He decided he needed to look nice for court and took his brush with him this morning.